Unfortunately, it is not always just peace, joy, pancakes. And although it’s just middle of the night, I must write my frustration now but still of the soul, I will not take that definitely bed him with us.
Today, and last night I was at Jule on his birthday, we had a great evening with good food, we made beer and beaters, at some point against half 1 us on the way into the city because we wanted in the stereo. When we austiegen at the railway station of the subway and went up the stairs, we were suddenly accompanied by loud cries. “BOAR is the fat of age!” it echoed to me, I took a SIP on my beer bottle and continued. I thought to myself, just ignore, with drunken & has no sense anyway and most, the thing that is Yes eaten. Unfortunately, it was not. Ran all the way through the subway neck quick, up the escalator, the 300 m in the Bielfelder station and then half way this along, this pre pubertal, grade times like 16-looking boy behind us. His friends seemed all quite embarrassed, and he sounded continuously “you fat whore I can’t believe how you’re fat, you’re old so an ugly, fat whore! So what ugly I never saw!”accompanied by a nasty laugh. He came to us in uncomfortably close, wanted to speak a word of course and jumped around hyperactive around us. I was slightly drunk and laughed. I laughed out loud because I couldn’t believe what happened here just. I laughed because it was so ridiculous and completely in addition so sureal. So much happened to me, but that me someone with so many insults and insults on the street number has not yet.My 4 best girlfriends, however, boiled over with anger, all three. You have back geschimpft, yelled at and it would probably not much missed, then one would have given neatly one face him from them. Although I am laughing was, I thought about himself actually for a brief moment, whether I should take my beer bottle over his head.
Sometime he then let off of us. The mood was mixed, I was still caught off guard and amused at the same time, the rest was mad as hell. I thought I could handle it, that I don’t care, but in the course of the evening turned out, I couldn’t do it. As bad as already since a long time no longer, I have counted negative every glance in my direction, I have at least 5 people caught, how me looked at and then laughed and through I was convinced that anyone has tried to take a picture of me. I was completely unentspannt. Again and again, I have tried to tell me, that it doesn’t matter to me that is only important, what I think are my best friends with me, who would defend me on the blood, and that I should just enjoy the music and the evening. But most of the time that lasted only for a brief moment. Thoughts went again through my head like “well probably he was the only one that has said it, but think all do it anyway”.
Ultimately I have annoyed me the most, how much this crap has touched me. At the moment, he has hardly hurt me and not really bothered, but later it has hit me again and again… I had a Hairband has taken away the someone with flowers on it on his head, and as me and him himself used to have, I was so paranoid and involved in my thoughts that I myself almost just flipped over and howling away, ran but actually this place as one of the moments out, which made me do it, not entirely the believe in people to lose , because I must have looked so shocked, that the type took me in the arm and then gave my flower of me back.
I just still not really know what I should take from this experience, for this my mood varies too much between “me for the rest of the weekend in bed and hide and cry” and “You can me right time now”.
What remains is an incredible rage. The anger about it, not like a human being treated to be treated without also only once the thought can give him, that no matter how much is my appearance or my lifestyle against his principles or his personal aesthetic sense, it’s still a man from someone in heart from many people on so incredibly degrading way, a person with feelings. And also anger on me.Moreover, that I got, unresponsive, that’s deep much more, hurt me inside than I thought and a bit of remorse that I put him not the beer bottle over his head.