Yesterday was my 22th birthday. In a few days my blog turn 2 years old (btw I have a lovely giveaway for you soon *excited* ) . I thought it might bit a good moment to write down my thought about my last two years. If you had shown my 20 year old me the pictures from above and told her about this amazing evening, she would not believe (she would not had believed … she had not believed? nah fuck it ), fact is just, that the 20 year old me never thought I could give a fuck and just wear a sheer black blouse and a beautiful bra under it. Two year ago I rather killed myself than putting a pictures like this online, a picture that shows my double chin, my messy hair and my bra.
Just a few days ago I realized how much I learned past the last two years, how much I have change and how my life has changed. As there as still a lot of things I feel self-conscious and insecure about I know I pushed myself out of my comfort zone a lot of times, noticing that it isn’t as terrify as a always thought. For every rude comment I got thought the last two years there a dozen of people telling me how much I inspire them, say they love my style, my confidence and that I am beautiful from the inside and from the outside.
I lost some of my friends, and I am still struggling with some trouble, some pain and some recovering friendships, I got to know so many new wonderful and awesome people, online and offline. Two years ago I was so scared of my first day at university, today I can truly say I have not only found so much joy and wonderful friendships but also someone I would shamelessly call my better half, no matter what he thinks of it 😉
On my journey to find some love for myself, I have not only made a big step in accepting that I can, that I am allowed, that I must feel good about myself the ways I am, but I also learned that it is okay if you want to change things. For the first time as much as I feel good in myself, I feel okay about the thought that I actually want to lose and few kilos.Accepting that, was even harder than to accept that I am able to love myself. Cause thinking about wanting a just become a bit more fit, loose some weight felt like everything I reached and lived for a few months becomes a huge bit lie. But today I know it is not.
I know that today I am a more passionated and more joyful person, even if sometimes it seems like I am not. I really learned how to enjoy my life more and find pleasure in sweet little things, how to not care so much about what others say and stop thinking for a while.
All of this makes me really happy and it would fill me with indescribable joy, if any of you, and even if it is just the tinniest bit, feel like they learned something too, while staying loyal readers for the last two years.
Love you all.<3
Yesterday was my 22 birthday. In a few days, it will be 2 years old with a blog (then incidentally, there is a great giveaway, since clamped!). I thought to summarize me so, that there would be a good moment and time, how my life has been in the last two years. Had I shown above the image from there my 20 year old self, she would not have believed, that I dare to show myself in black, transparent blouse and a nice bra. Probably would have I kicked rather 2 years ago out of the window, as a photo like this online to make a photo with double chin, sweaty hair and my bra.
Only a few days ago, I have understood, have actually learned how much I in the last two years. How much I me and how my life has changed. Even if there are still quite a few things which make me feel incredibly unselbstbewusst me and intimidate me, I know that I only then to notice that it is far less important than the fear of the man previously has me more than once pushed my circle of protection.For each common comment I’ve heard, I think of dozens of people who tell me that I inspire them, that the style my love, my self-confidence and I’m beautiful from the inside and from the outside.
I’ve lost some friends along the route, and there are still some problems, pain and friendships that grade first recover employ me. But I’ve met so many great people online as well as offline. When I think about how much I was afraid before my first day of University, I have to laugh. I can say that I had really fun and met wonderful people, because I simply times shamelessly my better half call even someone, no matter what it prevents 😉
I made not only a huge step on my way to find some love for myself, and learned that I deserve it, like I’m in to find great and good to feel, I also learned that it’s okay if you want to change things. For the first time, I feel good in myself, but for the first time, I can take it easy and fearlessly accept the idea, that I want to lose weight. To understand the way the hardest part was surprising, I felt like I’m cheating myself, where I had found so much confidence and trust. It felt, as only a big lie would be my blog and everything I am, now I know that it’s not.
All of this makes me really happy, and it would meet me with an incredible friends, if anyone of you, even if only a tiny part, something similar has learned that it is faithful to my blog for two years.
I love you all.